My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
