I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
