I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
