I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
