she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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