i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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