When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
