Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
