I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize