reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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