You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize