If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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