shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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