What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
