Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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