Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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