Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i think i have two assholes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize