his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
