I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
