I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
