dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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