We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
