6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
