I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
