ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
