I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
