I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
