yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I have demons in me.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
