yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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