Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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