whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Buhtt sex?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
