I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
