Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
