Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
