I accidentally had phone sex last night
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
