it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
