i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
