when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
