your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
