i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
