saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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