I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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