you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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