I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
