i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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