she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
