I just made out with a guy for $7.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
