This is not my ceiling
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
