I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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