I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize