I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
