She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
