dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
