I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize