when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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