God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
