i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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