Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
