She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
