maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
