im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
