I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
