I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
wow bdsm is so cute
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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