Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
