oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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