Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
