is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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