Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize