how can u be prego again
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
