she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
