i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My ass is underappreciated
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
