i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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