I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
