I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize