Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I look better un-naked...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
