Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
