Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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