My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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