More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
