i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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