You smell like stripper and shame
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
