You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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