He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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