What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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