when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
