I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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