i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
