you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I didn't notice because vodka
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
