i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So vagazzling was a success
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
