And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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