goodnight i made you a song goodbye
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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