tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
