Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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