We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
