That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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